Sugar Happy Sunshine Adventure
by e.b woodhouse
Summary: A more light hearted retelling of the seminal anime series. Despite the humor i've injected into the story this version is also a bit darker and will explore the inner worlds of the characters in a way the fans have never seen before!
1. Prelude ::: The Well

_a window through time_

* * *

Kagome is just like any other teen-aged girl, she loves to drink chocolate milkshakes and listen to Boyz 2 Men records in her room. She lives in japan with her mom, her half brother Sota, and her grandad. Her dad died before Sota was born when he climbed down the family well and shot himself! Oh yeah, I forgot, her family lives on an ancient sacred Japanese shrine that has its very own well!

Anyways, Kagome was just finishing up her Biology homework as her pink record player whirred mechanically to a halt.

"_Ahhhh_," she sighed and steched out her arms. She sure was tired of doing home-work all that night but now she is finally finshed.

She scrambles down the hallway to go plop down on the couch and watch her favorite anime, Sugar Happy Sunshine Adventure. But her annoying little half brother Sota is already there playing the Nintendo Wii! Kagoma can't believe it! It's bad enough that her dad blew his own brains out when he found out about his wife's infidelity and consequent pregnancy with Sota but now here he is ruining her night, again!

"Sota you little creep!" Kagome screams at him as she stomps out of the living room, a vein on her forehead pulsing visibly, "I wish you were never even born okay!" She slams the door furiously on him, her tears streaming freely now.

He always did stuff like that to bother her. She couldn't even stand her little brother! So she stomped out of the house and out into the families ancestral Japanese shrine.

Kagome wanted to be alone more than anything so she climbed down the well, '_I'm just going down here to get away from it all for a while_,' she thought to herself reassuringly, '_not to blow my brains out with a handgun like my dad did 9 years ag_o...'

"That's right," she agreed," I may be just an average high school girl but even I have to blow off steam every once in a while."

Kagome laid down at the bottom of the well and started to feel really sorry for herself. She normally liked to come down to the well because she liked to spend a lot of time down there after her father died, it was a good place to remember him, also it was very private as the rest of the family obviously avoided the place. Eventually the well did its job and cheered her up like it usually did when she comes down here.

"I wish I could just get away from it all and go hang out in the feudal- warring states era and not have to deal with all this modern day stress!" Kagome cried out loud and then...

Without and further warning Kagome was hurled through time itself!

_What is going on!?_? She wondered as she was hurtled whirling back to the very place she had just mentioned!

Kaede was there waiting for her.

Kaede helped Kagome get to her feet and then gave her a boost out of the well. Kagome stood on the other side of the well and gasped. "It really is the feudal era now!" She cried out lauging.

The trees that stood in place of her house were lush and verdant. Kagome ran around in and out of underneath their trunks and laughed, breathing in the fresh ancient air.

"This is just like my very own Sugar Happy Sunshine Adventure!" Kagome giggled.

This place is wonderful! She thought, she didn't smell the noxious fumes of the city or the nearby highway anymore because there wasn't even either of those things back in the feudal era! Kagome continued to skip around laughing and didn't even hear Kaede down in the well hollering for the fecksome teen to come and pull her back up. But Kagome couldn't even hear her!

Finally Kagome realizes Kaede hasn't made it back up out of the well and she goes over to it and helps the old lady out of it again. That's when she explains everything about how Kagome gets to travel through time because the feudal era is when she was originally born as the priestess Kikyo.

"That's right," Kagome agrees, "and when I was in the well the sacred Shikkon jewel reacted to it's similarity to this day and age back when I lived as Kikyo! So that's why I could travel here!"

Kaede had been crunching up herbs to add to a small fire she'd kindled while she explained what was going on to the confused young girl._ She may be from a more fast paced and politically correct time but the ancient Japanese blood of the samurai runs through her very veins so she will adjust just fine I suspect_... Kaede thought.

Kaede threw the herbs onto the flame and it surged hungrily. Kagome recoiled with a gasp! She is from the big city and not used to open flames like this!

"Kagome," Kaede proclaimed from across the rushing flames, "you must gather the remaining fragments of the Shikkon jewel, then maybe my sister Kikyo can be laid truly to rest."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Kagome couldn't believe it! "I'm just an average high school girl and you want me to gather all the jewel shards by myself! I can't even do all that stuff though!" Kagome still can't believe her ears and all these brazen lies she surely just heard from this strange one eyed old woman.

But Kaede plows right on. "You must overcome you difficulties Kagome!"

Kagome had started to walk right away from this crazy old woman but now she stops dead in her tracks. "Y-you're right" She sighs and slumps down on the ground.

That's when Inuyasha showed up.

"Huh," he said, breathing heavily with frustration, "you've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here again Kagome!"

Inuyasha is still mad that Kagome saved Koga from Kagura's nefarious schemes, but they had all been played maliciously by that treacherous bastard Naraku so Kagome figured she was in the clear and that Inuyasha is the one being a jerk.

"Sit Inuyasha-san!" Kagome yells and crosses her arms.

* * *

! Inuyasha smashes flat on his face! Kagome stomps off angrily.

"Kagome wait!" Sango starts to follow her but Miroku holds out a hand to stop her.

"Don't interfere, you'll just piss her off even further Sango," he warns and she figures he's just about right and decides to drop it. She watches as Kagome storms off aginrluy by herself back to the village...


	2. The Many Woes Of Sango the Demon Slayer

Kagome had just run away from her past again and was sitting down to dinner with her family. Her disagreement with Inuyasha made her sad so she ran to that well and jumped through time so she could relax a little...

As the moon came out for the night Kagome was just finishing saying the blessing over dinner, because her family are very traditional and even live on a shrine.

"..and God bless Sota," Kagome said in docile tones..." and God bless Santa Claus, and God bless mom and granpa, and the boys who make the noise on 16th avenue, and God bless my friend Usagi, and even Inusayhas even though he's such a real jerk sometimes and God bless dad even though he's in hell because he put a gun in his mouth and ate a bullet, amen!"

Kagome finally finished the prayer.

"Looks good mom!" Kagome said genuinely. Kagome began to eat furiously, like they do on the old episodes of the simpons with food flying around like when two old cartoon characters get in a tussle and its all a blur or a whirlwind or something in the certain of all that movement.

She had been eating musty herbs and acorns back in the past which sucked, no she got to get at some home made cooking from the future! and boy let me tell you she was just plumb estacit to have so much like that for now... the pas could be so stressfull...

* * *

Sango is too distraced by Kagome's departure that she didn't register Kohaku, standing off in the distance, partially hidden by the thick and verdant growth of the forest looming just over her shoulder.

"Now that Kagome went back to the present ecause of her disagreements with Iuyasha it will prove difficult for us to find the Shards of the sacred shikkon jewel." Miroku was feeling pretty worried...

"Does that mean we don't have Kagome's help to rely on?" Shippo wondered out loud.

"Not now you guys," Sango interrupted 'there appears to be some kid lost in the woods over here," then she pointed at what she was talking about.

"Out of my way!" Miroku practicaly shouted as he shoved past them all to get a better look, "if anythigns going to cure my recent bout of impotence I got fighting that succubus then surely the sight of a small child lost in the woods will do the trick!"

"Hold on there _Romeo_," Inuyasha snarled, exasperated. "That's Sangos brother, Kohaku!"

Miroku backed down with a regretful sigh.

* * *

He approaches Sango in utter confusion, a blank look in his normally exuberant eyes. "w-Who are you?" He wants to know, and, "I don't know you do I know you?" he wonders out loud.

Sango gasps.

Sangos bright and joyful smile died on her lip. _What can this mean!_ she wonders.

An exclamation mark appears over Shippos head. "Does this mean that Kohaku doesn't remember Sango?" He cries out.

"Don't tell me" Miroku always yells," Kohaku must have amnesia!"

Sango gasps again even though her lungs are already filled from last time.

Shippo is completely stunned too, "does Kohaku have -A-A-Amnesia!?"

Now its Kohakus turn to inhale quickly. Kohaku breaths in sharply. His eyes had been nearly closed in his previously flippant emotional expression yet now they opened wide.

Nearby a flocka birds flew out a tree. A cloud passed before the sun sending a shadow streaking across the ground between where Kohaku and Sango stood, staring at each other.

Sango stared at Kohaku. "Ko...Ha...Ku..." she slowly said, in a quiet serious voice.

Kohaku gasp. Now he had heard everything!

"What are you doing Sango this is obviously a trap by Naraku!" Inuyasha yells out; he doesn't trust this situation at all and Naraku is all of their enemy.

Now Miroku is shockedas well but for a different. "  
Inuyahsah! Bastard! I'll kill you with the black hole in my hand! Wind tunnel! Die!" Miroku yells at Inuyasha then unbuttons the sleaves on his cursed black hole hand.

"Good grief!" Kagoma exclaims! She thinks these two are being idiots. Naraku could easily pull such a trick don't you see Miroku!" she yells at the monk, "also you should be focused on supporting Sango right now not on your wasteful bickering with Inuyasha!"

Miroku agrees and put away the wind tunnel for now more interested in what Sango would do. Unbeknwonst till now she'd been slowly moving toward Kohaku, who still stood with his mouth hanging partway open and a glazed blank expression the only signs of life the occasional flicker of confusion...Sango reached the place where Kohaku stood and fell at his feet.

Inuyahsa and Miroku and Shippo all gasped at the same time.

Tear drops landed on Kohaku's tan low top cloth boots. He was still standing there, confused as all hell and stammering almost a little.

"Sango is shedding valient tears for her brother who has been betrayed, like us all, by Naraku!" Miroku explain.

Just then as Sango sobbed her ponytail hairs swiped against Kohaku's flaccid penis and he immediately became erect, {_In this version of the story Kohaku is 18 years old and since he is Sango's younger brother that means they are both old enough to fuck each othe_r}

Sango stares at Kohakus big hard cock, it wasn't like she wanted to gargle with her siblings jizz or anything it's just that up until now she has not even seen a boner before. That's because Miroku is pitifully endowed and wears a baggy whatevetr that thing he waers,those robes are so big you can't see his pecker through them at all so she ended up staring...staring right at that 8 by 7 incher.

Sango licked her lips and tilted her head forward slowly, going in for the kill, "oh yeah here I go" she said and continued to lean forward now bu then she stopped her self, "What am I doing!"

A heavy breeze blew rustling the long grass in the lush field around them. Sango's grasp on Kohaku's boner slackened with astonishment, she just realized...

"What am I doing!" Sango screamed," this is obviously Naraku's trap isn't it!? Or would you break my heart again! Are u really my brother or a demons pawn!?" Sango screamed in her absolute dervish of emotion. While she was screaming those things in exaspseration she was also pumping her fists up and down in the sky but she had forgotten, much like Kohaku, who has amnesia,, that she was holding onto Kohaku's pecker and accidentaly she had just jerked him off, making eye contact the entire time.

"Damnit I've played right into Naraku's hands! Again!" Sango smashed her fist into her sticky palm in frustration and splattered even more sperm all over her as Kohaku ejac'd and then suddenly regained his memories!

That means now Kohaku runs away from Sango, "What the fuck Sango at least I just kill my family members, what the fuck is wrong with you!"

"Nooooooooooooooooo!" Sango falls on knees. Narkau tricks Kohaku into killing his family except Sango his siter, but now she jerked him off.

"Naraku- Bastaaaaarrrrrddd!"

Sango look the moon. Tear drops start falling around her kneesontheground first just a few then a whole lot more. "Damn you Naraku! Bastard! You think you trick me?!"

Now more than ever Sango hates Naraku… Just like all of her companions except for Kagome honestly, who'd rather be at home eating instant ramen and watching VH1.

* * *

Kagome loaguhed.

She was walking to school with her friend, Usagi, who was also very pretty and she even liked to tell a lot of funny jokes!

Usagi told Kagome a joke and she laughed at her silly friend while the two of them walked to school.

Kogome though to herself, _sure, I might look like an average Japanese school teen but really my life has all kinds of adventures_ but what Kagome didn't know was that she got along with Usagi so well because Usagi felt the same way because she is actually Sailor Moon.

Usagi has a lot of blonde hair and wears a low and high cut white and blue school uniform that's more like a swimsuit.

Kagome admired Usagi's bold outfit because she always dresses modestly.

"I wish I had the conifedence to dress as slutty as you do Usagi!" Kagome shares with her friend

Usagi smiled to Kagome's compliment, she nodded, "let's both try our best to dress like we've had abortions this school semester!" Usagi encouraged her friend.

Kagome smiles and grabs Usagis hands in her own, "yes!" Now kagome nods too," we will do that."

They both nod and laugh with cherry blossoms.

"when I said abortions earlier I meant multiple abortions a piece not like that each of us had just had one and then two between us yknow?" Usagi attempts to elaborate to her friend but Kagome doesn't understand.

Up until then they'd been cheerful and Kagome is excited to start dressing sexy for Inuyasha. But also she worries. 'Aren't you worried that people around you can smell your 'that place' with the brim of your shorts so close to them? and where do you hide the air freshener inside such a skimpy and skanky outift? she wants to ask her more experienced and worldly friend. Also Kagome doesn't just want to go walking around with her beef curtains flapping around in the breese. she desires to ask yet her motivations are thwarted, hacked in twain by the bashful sword of timidity.

...

after Kagome and Usagi buy new outfits and press on nails at the mall, four inchers too, big son of a bitches let me tell you and bright-as-hell you don't even know bout them nails son, then they got dressed in the bathrooms by the subway and went to school. When they got there Usagi was wearing her usual hi/lo uni, but she'd added a bunch of leather bracelets and spikey shiny stuff with it because she was going for a punk rock/ subway bomber look

and a t-shirt with a skull crossbones on the front and a crucifix with sonic the hedgehog instead of jesus on the back and Kagome was now wearing instead of her usual and modest uniform a really hot number with a lot of pink laces but not a lot of anything else except a few tatters of acid washed denim daisy chained to gether around her shoulders and hips to hide her nipples, her fleshpit love hole good time gimme that special place, and her elephantine clitoris, mostly.

IN CLASS:

The clock slowly ticked over as Kagome sighed. She was excited to relax a while in the present until she had got there and then remembered all about how she'd wanted to go to the past in the first place because the future-present sucks.

Kagome sigh and the clock ticks on while she daps with her pencil top on the greasy fauxwood face desk she sits at every day. The teacher drone on and on.

:But then- "Usagi!" The teacher exclaim because he know Kagome isn't paying attention.

Kagome jumps upright in her desk with a gasp. A lot of the other, more focused students laught and snicker at that, "Kagome, since your so flippant about your studies I bet you know all this stuff already so go ahead and read this sentence on the board in front of the whole class," the sarcastic male teacher smirk at Kagome smugly.

He folded his intimidating foreamrs over his bulky chest when Kagome comes up front of the class to read of the chalkboard. The teacher wears Dockers pants and a white dress shirt with brown shoes.

"um-u-uh..." Kagome stalls look at the words on the chakbord.

She doesn't understand a lick! Kagome sweats on her forehead because now when its already too late she realizes she spent too too much tie in the past and now she even forgets how to read and write.

LATER; DURING LUNCH PERIOD

Usagi laughed.

"You spend all that time worrying about your troublesome boyfriend and so your studies poorly affected by that"

Usagi could be a real bitch sometime and Kagome squish! the banana she was holding under the lunch table.. It had been loose in her graps when she had first pick it from her lunchbox to eat but then Usagi said all that stuff and it really got her hot under the collar and before you know it she had took out her frustrations on it.

They get along... sure... just like any two regular normal school girls.

But they are schoolgirls; with a secret.

Since Kagome is actually protecting and gathering the shards of the Shikkon Jewel that all of Sailor Moons enemies are constantly trying to get their evil paws hands and pincers and most importantly tentacles oh so many tentacles on. that means one day they will fight.

Yes, they do get along but one day they must needs face one another upon the blood and tear littered field of battle... but for now; they are friends.

Hitomi was Kagome's other friend and she ate lunch too. "Didn't your crazy boyfriend do anything this weekend?" She ask Kagome.

They always want to talk about that stuff Kagome figures.

"Sure, he's an asshole," Kagome explain about why she still love him despite it all, "But he's my asshole."

"Didn't he like, kill a bunch of people," Kagome said.

"Oh no it's not like that he just kills a bunch of demons and only sometimes bad humans," _Oh no I've said too much_.

That's Kagome in the corner that she put herself in by saying too much! Now all her friends look at her crazy. Kagome sweat again and has to figure something out to say quick!

"Kagome is lucky anyone is romantically interested in her," Usagi pressed on once she'd noticed Kagome was beginning to feel emotionally uncomforted, "far be't for her to turn her nose up at murderers and convicts since everyone can smell her sour patch from a yard away and she even has the aids virus because she got raped by a rabid gorilla on her families safari vacation which is why she's missed so much school lately, anyways, that's what your grandad told me"

all her friends look at Kagome with interest, they heard a lot about it too.

_damnit granpa! Why'd u have to tell everyone I have the AIDS virus!_ \- A scowl twitches across Kagome's face. Her Grandad was useless and old, he provided no value to anyone and stayed at home all day so he thought he was making himself useful by telling all of Kagomes friend and teacher that she is staying out of school because she has AIDS and definitely not because of anything supernatural.

But really he is just frustrating Kagome! She told all her friends that she misses school and band practice all the time because her little half brother Sota is severly autistic and she has to stay and watch him so he doesn't knock his head against the wall over and over until he bleeds and falls down.

"Haha Kagome you dumb bitch" Usagi said

Hitomi slaps her high five and laugh too.

Kagome blushed, here I was, just your normal HIV positive Japanese middleschooler.

Kagome started to overcomb her hair out of nerves. She got bad nerves that she'd get kilt by demons because they always chase her around and say they're going to do that!

Because Kagome brushes her hair so so much it is completely strait and there is more hair between each individual strand then you would think and the effect overall is a vaguely bewildering one to the eye. Looking too long at Kagomes hair has been the cause of several sudden and severe cases of vertigo.

* * *

While Kagome was going home she remembered that time that Sango got proposed to and by a prince of all people!

She thought Miroku at the time was being very callous so Kagome told him Sango was probably waiting for him to ask her to not accept the young lordlings proposal of marriage because that is when Miroku should have just gone ahead and come out with the truth to Sango. And the truth? Well, actually Miroku is in love with Sango just like she harbors secret feelings for him; but he is too bashful to say it outoud to her so he elects to bid his time and disregard Kagome's advice.

And that really got Kagome's grits! "Miroku you piece of shit!" Kagome yelled at Miroku. "Don't you think about Sango's feelings right now!?" she wanted to know, and "you're just a poor monk without any land or a home or any sort of prospects and you can't even have children with a women because if yuou get one pregnant then that baby will be cursed by Narak too and have to get sucked into black-hole in their hand, and don't even get me started about your stupid black hole in that hand of yours!" Kagome was so mad at Miroku that she yelled at him.

"Quit hiding your feelins and admit that your in love with her!" Kagome said. Kagome laughed.

A lot of the things that Kagome said were insensitive and very hurtful to Miroku. She also called him a coward, and a "limp dick poor excuse of a peasant," Kagome charged him with not even realizing that other people have problems too because he wouldn't think about those things with his mind always preoccupied with the black hole in his hand that will kill him horribliy one day.

"I have some really important exams to study for and you don't even consider my difficulties you sick fuck" Kagome complains to Miroku some more.

After she said all those things she, Kagome, had gone back to the present day because she was late for band practice. She played the tuba in the school band and she hoped she could find some kind of scholarship or job playing the tuba in a marching procession for a living. Many times during her sojourns into history she would convince Inuyahsa and her other compatriorts to indulge in her fancies and they would all line up and march across the mountains and plains of ancient Japan while she tooted and blew on her great big tuba.

Demons from all over were attracted to the noise and that's how Shippo dies so now they don't let her play the tuba that much any more because the noise seems to really piss off demons and evil spirits, also other stuff from Japanese mythology like Gu poison which is when a bunch of poison animals eat each other up and create a super poison like the kind deployed in Japanese subways on september 11th 2001. The Japanese 9/11

That plus the virus outbreak is why Japan is now called, sector E2.


End file.
